x. To have only one PAP smear per year
x. To be bold, brazen, and slutty and have no serious and/or meaningful relationships until age 27.
x. Men cannot say "I love you" for first six months and cannot even think for first four.
x. Refrain from donkey love.
x. Lick lover daily.
x. Marry old geiser with fortune + fatal illness and inherit gobs of money and have illicit affair behind back (his, not own).
x. Do not live from lust to lust.
x. Despise all men (ie do not trust in order not to crush their spirits).
x. Search for man who is strong and caring but not patronising.
x. Wish to abandon spiritual quests for drama over boys and thighs and job and drinking/fags in manner of Bridget Jones.
"Have just eaten huge lump of cheese for no reason. Oh well, might as well eat the rest of it as if to draw a line under the whole sorry episode." Is story of entire life.